So Hard to Say Goodbye
by KricketWilliams
Summary: Ever loved someone that you couldn't be with? Motivated by a song, I had to write this. Not quite a oneshot... but probably not as long as my other stories!
1. Chapter 1

_AN: Oh, I just had to write this! It just hit me like a brick, driving in my car. Normally, a song doesn't motivate me, but this one did. Ever really loved someone that you just couldn't be with? As always, I don't own a thing..._

Derek picked up the phone and looked. It was Garcia. His heart beat faster; he willed it to slow down. He knew it wasn't going to be good; she rarely called at 2am anymore. "Hey, Baby Girl, what's up?" he whispered. Erica was sleeping in the bedroom; he didn't want to wake her up.

"Oh, Derek!" she sobbed. It was obvious that someone broke her heart tonight. Red rage filled him; his hands clenched into fists.

"Baby, what happened?" he said. "Is it Lynch?"

"Yes," she said, her words soft and sad. "He's just so… cruel sometimes. I.. just needed to talk to you. Only you…"

Morgan felt his heart shift. Everyday he felt like that, the driving need to be close to her, hold her, protect her. There was no denying it; he was as in love with her now as he was months ago. It was impossible- their jobs made it impossible. There were strict rules against fraternizing in the FBI, they would lose their jobs, and what they did for the general public was too important. So they made the selfless decision to stay apart.

It started with just some flirting, occasional dancing with the group, subtle gestures to each other. Then, a true, beautiful friendship happened. She knew how to ease his aching mind like no one else, touch his soul and make him whole. He would go to her, spend time with her after each mission, and come back renewed.

One night, they shared a bit too much to drink at her apartment. She made up the couch for him, like usual, and he was laying down. She leaned over to give him a chaste little kiss. A lack of inhibition made him pull her down on him and kiss her for all he was worth. The touch was natural, electric. They were made for each other. They couldn't get enough of each other's taste, skin, smell. It was inevitable; he deepened the kiss, picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. They slept together for the first time that night.

The next morning, instead of feeling awkward for sleeping with each other, they felt giddy and happy. It was like they knew this is where all their flirting and banter was leading them. They felt complete, whole. The only sobering thing was- they knew the rules.

Initially, they decided to hide it. They still flirted like usual, but there was a spark, an energy that was undeniable. The other profilers knew; they just didn't say a word. It wasn't until one day that Strauss came about and saw with her own eyes. They glowed together; there was no other word for it. Stauss immediately spoke with Hotch, who had the unpleasant duty of reminding the entire team that no fraternization was allowed.

Originally, Derek didn't give a shit. "Baby girl, there's no proof. They have to…"

Penelope was different. "Oh, my sweetness; she knows. And if we continue, more than just us will get in trouble."

"I don't care," Derek said defensively. He started to panic; he had never been so happy before, and he didn't want to lose that…lose her.

"Think, Derek," she said, her eyes welling up with tears. "They'll blame Hotch, then they'll break up the team. " She put her hands on his chest and looked at him with sad, resigned eyes. "I love them too much to do that, and I love you too much for you to lose what you love doing so much."

"Penelope," he said, softly. "You know how I feel about you."

Tears started to stream down her face. "The same as I do about you. That's why I have to let you go."

_AN: Sorry for the break from the other story, but I just had to write this. Now, back to regular programming!_


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_AN: Guess it's not a one shot. Angst filled, isn't it? Thanks for the reviews. These are just pouring out and I can't stop it. Gotta write it…._

"Baby," he said, his voice hoarse. "I can't… I can't just listen to this, and not do anything. I need to hold you, to tell you everything's going to be okay."

"But you can't," Penelope said, her heart in her throat. "Because it's not."

She would give her life to be with him. Every day at the office, she died a little, watching him walk by, jeans slung low. He'd glance at her, he'd smile, then he'd freeze and quickly look away. She watched the twinkle die in his eyes, too. It was killing her that he was dying, too.

The team noticed that there was no more flirting. Reid, clueless but intelligent Reid, even mentioned that he missed their "nauseating pet names."

Much less clueless JJ shot him a dirty look. Emily just told him to shut up.

Shortly after Strauss came by and ruined their lives, Derek dated bimbo after bimbo. She knew he was trying to move on, but he wasn't succeeding. Deep down, to her utter mortification, she hated to admit it, she was glad not to be losing all of him. This brought a whole new wave of guilt. She really wanted him to be happy, she wanted him to be loved. He deserved nothing but love and happiness. He deserved to be loved by someone with their whole heart.

Someone who loved him like she loved him.

"She's not you," he said simply, calling her late one night. It seemed when they were the most tired, the most exhausted, they reached for each other, taking what they could out of the relationship. That was all he said before he hung up.

* * *

Penelope agreed to date Kevin Lynch again. He pestered her daily for a date. It seemed that somehow it got around that Morgan secretly "dumped" her. She didn't care; they could think what they wanted. She wanted to put on a good front, to show she was okay, so she agreed. She felt a little bad because she would never feel anything for Kevin; she was numb from the heart down. He was harmless, so she thought.

Then came the jealousy. He knew she still loved Derek, just by watching her sad eyes when she saw him, just by watching her light up when the phone rang and it was him.

Tonight, he whipped the phone away from her before she could answer it. "I'm here; pay attention to me!" he said angrily. She looked at him, surprised. "You are going through the motions, Penelope, but you're not here! Earth to penelope!"

She almost smiled at that; it was trademark Lynch, and he really was funny at times. Until he continued.

"But oh," he said, whipping the ringing cell on the floor. "He calls, and you're like, 'What's up? Are you okay? Can I take care of it? Can I right that wrong? Are you hurting? Can I make you dinner? Can I suck your d.."

"You're disgusting!" she said, her heart pounding in her head.

"No, you're the one who's disgusting, pining over someone who has obviously moved on," he spat. He grabbed her wrist hard, staring down at her. "You have a real man here, one that was good enough in the past for you. Get over yourself and realize: we were meant to be." He shoved her away from him with vehemence, glaring at her as he grabbed his coat and left.

_AN: Trying to figure a way out of this... hang tight!_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_AN: As always, a humble thank you for the reviews. I really appreciate all the "story alerts" too. Side note; I'm doing a happy dance… did some research last night. I figured it out! Now back to angst… for a bit._

The next morning, the bullpen was quiet. The most recent unsub was particularly gruesome. He was a sadist who was obsessed with necrophilia. He captured and tortured young women, but waited until they were dead to have intercourse. It was disturbing on all accounts. An eighteen year old woman, Christy Clark, was missing from Savannah, Georgia. They knew they didn't have much time.

Morgan and Prentiss were on the road, looking for clues near the last body dump site. Rossi and JJ were making the media rounds, and Reid was with Hotch, working on a profile.

Back at home base, Garcia was waiting for any call to help. She was researching anything and everything related to Christy, hoping that something would pop up in a history about an ex-boyfriend, or something. She was shooting blanks, and it was frustrating. The phone rang. "Hello?"

"Baby Gi-" he said before he could stop himself completely. He struggled to contain the anger that was building up inside him. Strauss was monitoring all the calls, due to the "unprofessional behavior and fraternization" that was happening in the BAU.

He really hated that bitch.

"It's okay, Derek," Penelope said with a winsome smile she wished he could see. Suddenly, anger filled her. He shouldn't have to monitor everything. They were a team that worked before Strauss poked her big beak into their business. Beyond their relationship, she didn't need to censor her whole poor team! It wasn't their fault, and she'd had about enough. It was time to fight back. "I know you didn't mean ANYTHING by that."

Derek was catching on. _That's my girl_, he thought with a grin. "Of course not. EVERYTHING we discuss is of a dry and serious nature. Isn't that right, Prentiss?"

Emily's eyes sparkled as she looked at her partner and friend. "Oh, yes, most definitely."

"Garcia, we're looking for anything you can find on a Robert Holmes. He was the landlord for Christy Clark, same complex, so you can narrow it down."

"Of course, Sir. Anything you say, Sir."

He heard the click of the phone and smiled. "That girl is up to something."

Emily leaned back in the Suburban's seat and smiled. For the first time in weeks, that smile was reflected in Morgan's eyes. "Welcome back, Derek!"

For the rest of the case, every time Morgan or Garcia would talk to each other, or any other member of the team, on any recorded line, they would stress how professional they were. They used full names to address each other, and even full _titles_. It was absolutely stilted and completely unreal.

And they were loving it. Don't fight harder, fight smarter.

Reid was becoming the best, using the most verbosity he could. "Agent Hotchner," he called. "As this able, competent, proficient team is acclimated to; we have constituted a profile."

Being the crew that they were, they soon apprehended Holmes, who was indeed the unsub. "Creepy bastard," Derek muttered, leading the handcuffed man into the Savannah field office. Unfortunately, Christy was still missing, and Hotch was going to try to get whatever information out of him before he clammed up.

Derek sighed and looked at his phone. It was going to be a long night.

Meanwhile, Penelope rubbed her sore wrist. Kevin really twisted it last night, and left a nasty bruise. She tried to cover it with her jacket, but it still showed. She had a shoulder bruise too, from where he shoved her. She didn't like the turn of last night's events at all. She decided firmly that she should end whatever relationship with him.

Crying to Derek had helped, even though he couldn't do anything. Just hearing his voice was enough to soothe her. She smiled. Although they could never be together, just being around him as his friend was going to have to be enough. No one else made her happy, or whole, like he did. She wished for better for him, but for her, she was settled to be content.

Now, to call Kevin to "break up." She wondered if it was called a "break-up" if there was no real relationship to break up from? She should ask him to come down. She certainly wasn't going to have him come to her house, but breaking up over the phone was…. Tacky. She picked up the phone to dial, and waited for him to answer the ring.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

_AN: Almost there… Thanks, oh beauteous reviewers. It keeps me typing. I have the day off today, so I am able to write a bit more… Anyone know…There are some coarse words in here… do I need to up the rating?_

Derek and Emily entered in headquarters shortly before 10 pm. The others were following. It was a short flight from Savannah, Georgia. They had found Christy, scared but alive. It turned out as well as it could; for that he was eternally grateful. Every time a case ended up this well, he gave silent thanks. He wasn't a very religious man, but he knew when he was blessed.

He opened the glass doors to the main bullpen when he heard:

"Stop it, Kevin, you're hurting me!"

"'Stop it!'" Kevin mocked back. "What about all the times you hurt me? Didn't you think I had a heart? Playing me!"

In about three seconds, Derek sprinted to Garcia's office, Emily quickly followed. Kevin had Penelope's sore wrist in his hand, and he was twisting it. She was bending backward away from him, because she had no choice in the matter.

"Let her go, you son of a bitch!" Derek said, taking one stride to squeeze Lynch's wrist so hard he had to drop Penelope's wrist. She rubbed her wrist, and Derek saw the ugly black and blue marks on her wrist. Old bruises, he noted, with a quick intake of breath.

This wasn't the first time.

"I should say the same to…" Kevin didn't get to finish his sentence. Derek's fist hit Kevin's nose with such velocity that the entire room heard a sickening crack. He fell to the floor in a thud, covering his nose.

"Get up, you fucking coward. Get up!" Derek said, standing over him. He wanted him to stand so badly. So he could kill him.

"You Neanderthal! You broke my nose," Kevin whined pitifully. He did the smart thing, however, and did not stand. "Strauss is not going to like this."

"I don't give a damn," Derek said, convinced that he wasn't going to get another crack at the weasel. He calmed down before he took Penelope out of Emily and JJ's arms. The entire team was here now. He treated her like she was glass, so fragile and delicate, gently touching her wrist, her face. Their love was so obvious; observers felt like they were intruding on an intimate scene.

"You okay, woman?" he asked, his voice hoarse with emotion. He was kissing her gently before he even thought about the repercussions. Somehow, none of that mattered now. She melted in his arms, back where she belonged.

"You know," Rossi said, glaring at Kevin. "If you say anything to Strauss, you're going to get fired, too."

Kevin laughed, a not so pleasant laugh. "As long as she pays for what she…"

Hotch grabbed him by his collar and waistband, depositing him quickly in the hall, just like all the other garbage.

The rest of the team stood in silence as Morgan and Garcia continued to hold each other. The team knew that they loved each other, but the depth of the love hit home as they watched. Especially Morgan. He was usually very good about guarding how he really felt. But not now.

He was murmuring comforting nonsense to her, dropping kisses everywhere, and she was just holding on to him, like a lifeline in a storm. The team quietly left the room; Morgan and Garcia didn't even notice.

But the others did not go home. "Lynch isn't going to let this drop," Rossi said.

"Come on; let's huddle," Hotch said. "We have a lot of research left to do tonight." It was determined right then that they needed a plan.

Out of all the cases that they have ever worked on, this one was their most important.

Saving their own team.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

_AN: Thanks for hanging in there! And as always; much thanks for the reviews. They keep me typing. Home sick today (Don't worry; it's not contagious!), reviews make me feel so much better (I know; tres pathetique!)_

Derek was still holding Penelope in his arms, but they were home, in his bed. He was reluctant to let her go, even a miniscule amount. They were quiet; they knew that either one of them, or both of them, were going to be fired. It was so bittersweet, because although they had each other, they lost their other lifeline.

It was about 4 am when the call came. Derek grabbed his cell and read, _Rossi, D. _"Morgan."

"Derek; you're fired."

Derek thought it was kind of strange that Rossi was the one firing him, and at 4am, too, but he was beyond caring. Whatever floated their boats. "Okay, man. I get it."

"No, man, you don't," Rossi laughed. "And don't say anything you'll regret because you are on speakerphone."

"Who's all there?"

"All of us, Morgan," Hotch said, unable to keep the smile out of his voice. "I take it Penelope is with you?"

Derek didn't give a damn what they were recording now. "Yeah, but she's in my arms, in my bed, naked and sleeping."

"Wake her up," Emily said.

"What.."

"Trust us," JJ said.

"I'm up," she groaned, near the mouthpiece of the cell. "Who could sleep with all that chatter?"

"We did some research that may positively astound the two of you," Reid said. "According to FBI bylaw, F 2d 3.1212, circa 1990's, the FBI forbids fraternization among colleagues, unless said colleagues are_ already married _before hiring."

"In other words," Rossi said. "Penelope, you're fired, too."

It only took a second to dawn on them. They started to laugh and cry at the same time. What a team they had! Trust it to them to save their lives, in more ways than one. "Oh, you guys!" Penelope said, sniffing back tears. "You're so wonderful! You all need kisses."

"Not while you're naked, Garcia," Em said, fake scorn in her voice. "Don't buy us any more trouble!"

"Hey Hot Stuff," Derek said, kissing Penelope's nose. "I guess we're headed to Vegas."

The whole team cheered. A happier bunch of colleagues could not be found anywhere else. Although "colleagues" was too light to describe them. They were family.

Garcia quickly sobered. "Wait! What about Lynch? He'll want blood. Derek hit him and..."

"He had to do it; it was in your defense," Rossi said. "Any of us would have done it. No harm, no foul."

" We protect our team above all others," Hotch said, and Derek and Penelope could feel the deeper meaning to that. "Now, I am going to be making Mr. and Mrs. Morgan formal job offers when they return. I am assured they will accept?"

"Aye aye, boss man," Garcia said, hanging up and smiling into the eyes of her beloved. "Wow," she said, kissing his smiling lips. "I didn't know that the BAU specialized in HEA."

"HEA?" Derek questioned, smiling down at her.

"Happily ever after."

_AN: Don't know if this exists in the FBI, but read about another place and this particular rule. It was satisfying to apply it to our dear Morgan and Garcia!_


End file.
